FreshPrinting

Who My God Is To Me

2010-12-22T21:23:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 9:6
For unto us a child is born
Unto us a son is given
And the government shall be upon his shoulder
And his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor
Mighty God
Everlasting Father
Prince of Peace

My God is a wonderful counselor. I so thankful that I have Someone to talk to who knows every little detail and concern of my life and who is willing to give me counsel. How I need it! I feel so inadequate sometimes to the challenges that I face in life and God is there for me. I just need to slow down enough to listen. Rest and quiet myself before Him. He has so much He wants to share with me, so much wisdom to impart. Apart from Him I can do nothing of lasting value but in Him, all things are possible and He gives me the wisdom to do and say things that really matter and have value.
My God is a mighty God! We have a saying in our church: God is Mighty to Save, willing to heal and ready to revive! So true and I have to remember this when people seem to be faltering in their walks with God, when struggles against sin seem to be overwhelming, when nothing seems to be going as it should, when circumstances seem in opposition to God’s Word, --- My God is mighty! He is bigger than these things! He holds the world in His hands. Nothing is impossible for Him. He is real and He really is active in our world, bringing salvation, healing, deliverance and revival!
My God is an everlasting Father! How I love my Father God!! He is the most perfect Daddy and He loves each one of us sooo very very much! Just thinking about God becoming man, clothing Himself in humility and coming as a baby - Wow - what amazing love! He cares so deeply for me and wants the best for me, for you. He treasures me, values me, calls me His masterpiece, loves to dance and sing with me, rejoices with me, cries with me, hugs me, knows me - inside and out - and He loves me for me. I really love Him for Him. Everlasting love. It knows no end, knows no bounds, no limitations.
My God is the Prince of Peace! He speaks to the raging storms - be calm. He brings peace to my chaos. In the midst of chaos, His presence is there and He calms me and He calls me to rest in Him. To be peaceful in process. To trust that He is in control so I don’t have to be in control - I can just have peace in Him. I am not responsible to make something happen - He is. He is in control. I am simply along for the ride, trusting Him to guide my every step. Walking In His ways, as He shows me the way.

Merry Christmas 2010

2010-12-14T08:03:00.000-05:00

Last year, I didn't write a Christmas letter because I had a new baby. This year, I have a new baby again. Writing a Christmas letter sounds like fun and I don't feel like folding laundry tonight. So I write while Timothy, our seven week old, snoozes on my lap. I'll try to sum up the most important things that have happened in the last two years.
We moved in May of 2009 to the other half of our friend's duplex. I promptly painted all the walls beautiful colors and filled all of our newfound space with many things, mostly toys. Our house has two floors, three bedrooms and a basement – it feels huge compared to the two bedroom apartment we had been living in. We love living so close to friends who love Jesus like we do. Although we would like to own a home, we are waiting on God's perfect timing and we are learning financial wisdom in the process.
Audrey was born on September 23, 2009. She has been so sweet and easy to care for, right from the start. She is 14 months old now, walking around and exploring everything within reach. Her older brothers adore her and she is definitely a daddy's girl.
We enjoyed visiting Jeremiah's sisters and their families in Phoenix, AZ last year in December. The desert is beautiful. We loved all the cacti and the sandy mountains but we would never want to live there ourselves. We enjoy green grass and cornfields. We love the four seasons. I'm glad that God has called us to pastor this church in Indianapolis. It's a really a great city – you're always welcome to move here and join us!
The year of 2010 started off with a big surprise – I was pregnant again! This through all of our plans for a loop. I feel that in many ways 2010 was repeat of 2009, except this year we ended up having a 9 pounds 9 ounce baby boy on October 21. He was born at home with a midwife. Homebirth is a wonderful option for healthy mothers birthing healthy babies. It is so much simpler and much more natural.
Alan will be 5 on New Years Eve. He is a real people person and a natural actor. He loves the stage and thoroughly enjoyed being a Rock Star in our Christmas play at church this year. He is a great big brother and is eagerly looking forward to even more siblings. Alan will be ready to start homeschool Kindergarten this year with a focus on learning to read.
Zachary is three and a half. He is a lot like his daddy, full of curiosity about how things work, sensitive to the world around him, and often lost in his own little world. He loves to play pretend with Alan and he loves his stuffed animals.
Alan and Zachary are attending Gentle Shepherd Preschool several mornings each week for a couple of hours. It's just around the corner from our house. The boys are memorizing scriptures, learning Bible stories, singing lots of songs and beginning to work on some early math and reading skills.
We believe that God has exciting things in store for our family and the church in the upcoming year. We focusing on having an open heart and an open home. Being filled with Holy Spirit and allowing God to move through us to touch people's lives through ours.
I pray that you are doing well. We would love to hear from you.

The Kolterman Family

Quiet

2010-12-14T07:56:00.002-05:00

God: When will you calm yourself? There is so much that I have to say to you. So much to show you. But you are so busy. Busy with tasks that never end, one after the other, always pressing. But you have one life to live – how will you live it? Will you live in My presence? Will you make My habitation your habitation? Will you be in Me?

Me: God, I don't know how. I don't know how to rest. It is so hard for me. I long for you but my mind is so easily drawn in so many directions. I am so easily distracted from You and the quietness that You call me too. I am too easily drawn away. I want You. I want to know You more. Help me to rest. Help me to quiet my soul before You so that I can hear You – the gentle whisper of You. The silent nudging of Your Spirit. Fill me. Fill us. Show us what doesn't matter. Help us to live for what matters most, to silence the desires for other things that have no lasting value. Open our eyes to the deception of this world and all the idols that it offers. Cleanse me Lord. Make me free. Free to quiet and worship You. Free to come before You and rest in You.

To Give Birth - Thoughts at 37 Weeks

2010-09-17T11:31:00.002-04:00

To Give Birth – my thoughts at 37 weeks pregnant with Timmy

An act of giving. A gift. My small one unfolding, revealing, coming forth. Little mystery being discovered. A longing. A waiting. The unknowing of it all. The trusting. The placing of myself, my plans, my all in the hands of our Creator, the One who knows all. A daily act of surrender. Letting go. Letting be. Giving birth. Giving myself to the work of birth. Surrendering to sacrifice, joyfully. With expectation and hope. Looking forward to the knowing, the meeting, the birth. Little clothes. Soft skin. Little wrinkles. Tight grasp of fingers wraps my heart in new love, just imagining the moment. Placing little mouth to ample breast, giving more. Sustaining. Allowing myself to continue to be his all, his everything. Mothering. Allowing God to be my all, my everything. Fathering me. I am wrapped in His embrace and I give myself to new love. To life. To birth.

Lift Up Your Eyes

2010-08-03T21:16:00.002-04:00

Ps. 121:1-3
“Lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;”

My Father's House, a republished post

2010-02-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

I love our church. It's small right now, but it's like a family. I believe we're going to keep that family feel even when we get larger. My husband and I and my inlaws (they help us out and they also have a church in Fort Wayne) have been thinking and talking a lot lately about church vision and strategy. God is teaching us a lot and we're in a process of change. I often feel like an apprentice - we have so much to learn about serving God as pastors. We want to be a church that is both attractive to people and attractive to God - seeker sensitive and God sensitive. We're a spirit-filled, nondenominational church. We believe the Bible and try to live like it. We really want to see unchurched people saved and lives totally changed. We are praying right now for God to send us some more people who are already mature Christians - who can join our team and really dig in with us to the work of ministry - serving God together. Living life in fellowship with one another. I also really want to see people healed in their minds and emotions. I believe that God can not only heal people physically, but mentally as well. Anyway, here are some pictures we took our service last Sunday. Jeremiah is working on the websites and needed some pictures. This is Sue P. She switches off leading praise and worship with Jeremiah every other week. She is a very upbeat, generous and friendly person who gets things done. She gets you up and moving and involved in the worship - we love her and her family.

These are some of the people in our church.
This is Pastor Harley, my father in-law. He sometimes preaches at our church as well, especially lately while Jeremiah was taking a little break to get adjusted to our new life parenting two children.
We baptized a whole family this last Sunday - it was awesome!!! Sorry this picture is sideways. This is Bobby, the father. God is delivering him from alcoholism and giving him an awesome testimony of restoration.
This is the whole family, soaking wet, freshly baptized.

Help Haiti

2010-01-15T10:25:00.003-05:00

I've been to the Dominican Republic twice on mission trips. It shares the same island with Haiti but the differences between the two sides of the island are like night and day. One is baron and spiritually dry, the other is experiencing an outpouring of God's spirit and blessing among the people and in the government. When I was in the DR (Dominican Republic) I had the opportunity to share Christ with some Haitians. They spoke French and we had a few little pamphlets in French. I was struck by the emptiness and hopelessness in their eyes. Since the quake, I have been praying a lot for the these people. For God's mercy and compassion. For His saving grace. I am sure that God is able to take this aweful catastrophe and use it for His glory. One way is through our little acts of compassion. Through our prayers and our giving.

Our church is thinking of using the money we've saved during our 21 day fast to plant a new church in Haiti through the Global 12 project. We are also supporting Hope in Action, an organization that a trustworthy friend of ours heads up.

Several popular bloggers are giving money to various organizations when you post a comment or a link to your own blog.

Money Saving Mom is going to donate a $1 because I'm linking this post up with hers. You can link yours as well and check out some of the other blogs on her site that are joining the cause.

God is BIG enough

2010-01-09T15:09:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I am teaching kids church again for the first time since Audrey was born. As I began preparing today, I was struck by the main point of tomorrow's lesson:

God is powerful enough to help me do what He wants me to do!

As I really think about that, I realize how often in doubting my own power, I doubt God's power. I'm not really looking to Him and trusting Him when I am caught up in my own weaknesses and failures. God is Big! This reminds me of the song, "I've got a very big God, Oh, He's always by my side. A very big God, by my side, by my side."

I have to remember to simply do what God asks, knowing He was the power to enable me to do exactly that. What a relief.

The Perfect Home

2010-01-08T10:06:00.002-05:00

"Homemaking is about making a home --- and a home is a safe place, a refuge, a place to be real and alive and truest true."

"A perfect home is an authentic, creative, animated space where Peace and Love and Beauty are embraced"

Lord, help me to embrace peace, love and beauty in my home. Make our home a place of peace, love and beauty. Forgive me God for the times yesterday when I lost my peace with my children. I want to know You God in every part of my life, for Your presence to animate our days. I surrender to You everything that I am and everything that I am not. I trust You. You amaze me, that You would use me, would trust me with such an awesome trust – in mothering these precious souls. We desperately need Your guidance Lord and Your wisdom for truly, apart from You we can do nothing.

Jesus, the human side

2010-01-07T10:47:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was struck again with the thought of God, becoming man. He was in all ways, tempted like I am, weak like I am, and yet without sin. That God took on the form of a man.

God, Jesus is identified with our weaknesses. He know what it is like to go through the things we go through. He knows family dysfunction. He knows what it is like to be doubted, questioned and attacked by those who know you best. He know how reputation can hurt you, just because you belong to a certain family.

Mark 6:3 In Jesus hometown, the people rejected Him.

"'Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? Are not his sisters among us?' And they took offense at Him and were hurt (that is, they disapproved of Him and it hindered them)...and they were caused to stumble and fall." AMP

vs. 4 Jesus was "not without honor except among His relatives and in His own house."

How did this affect Jesus? How did He feel? Can He sympathize with us when those closest to us dishonor us and trample our dreams? Trample our value.

I believe that Jesus was tempted even to doubt Himself at times.

His family was not perfect. It was large and loud. It was ordinary and normal. He was the son who didn't marry, who stayed home and remained with his family until He was 30. He became a carpenter like His earthly dad Joseph. Living normal, day to day life in community with others. His parents knew something of who He was, but not much, not how and not exactly. Although they knew He was divine, they lived life with Him. I'm sure in the everydayness of it all they sometimes and often forgot WHO HE IS. Life was busy. There were financial struggles. There was hardwork to be done. And overshadowing them all, the crual and taxing Romans consistantly made their worlds small and devalued. Jesus lived in a small world. A world where everbody knew everything about everyone else, small town stuff. Jesus was very human to them. The divine beginnings of Jesus life were sometimes forgotten in the day to day process of simply living. Jesus knew the divine. He remembered. Mary pondered it. Jesus lived it. He lived divinely human. He became in all ways like us so that we can truly become in all ways like Him.

Mark 6:6 "He marveled because of their unbelief."

Mark 6:11 "if any community will not receive and accept and welcome you, and they refuse to listen to you, when you depart shake off the dust."

Jesus didn't let the doubt, faithlessness and rejection of others get to Him - He shook off the dust. He departed and moved on. Their loss. No people pleasing for Him. He was looking for faith, for openness, for where He could work. When He couldn't work because of hostile hearts, He moved on. Internally and externally, He moved on. He didn't carry their rejection with Him in His heart because His identity and purpose were elsewhere. His identity was with His heavenly Father. He didn't allow His earthly family to define His purpose. He defined Himself in God and the purpose given to Him from His Father. We are to do the same.

Matthew 12:46-50
Jesus was speaking radically and offensivelly to the religious leaders and His family was seeking to speak with Him. We can only guess why, but given the context, it can be postulated that they weren't quite happy with Him. Probably they were disapproving of what and how He was speaking and they were trying to shut Him up. Here Jesus again gives us a clue to His identity when He calls those who do the will of God His true family.

Is. 53:2-5
2For [the Servant of God] grew up before Him like a tender plant, and like a root out of dry ground; He has no form or comeliness [royal, kingly pomp], that we should look at Him, and no beauty that we should desire Him.
3He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and like One from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him.
4Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy].(B)
5But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.

I'm Reading This FREE E-Book

2009-12-29T15:30:00.003-05:00

Check it out and join with me in reading it. Let me know your thoughts.

Titled: Secrets of a Happy Home Life

Almost all that follows are direct quotes:

"Christ's peace is a blessing, which comes out of struggle and discipline."

"the etymology of the name 'wife' - it means 'weaver'"

Weaver -a weaver of life - a home weaver. That is a beautiful thought.

Home is the true wife's kingdom. There, first of all places, she must be strong and beautiful. She may touch life outside in many ways, if she can do it without slighting the duties that are hers within her own doors.
Love is always discipline
We say we train our children; but they train us, also, if we think of them as we should,—as immortal beings come from God to be prepared by us for their mission.
"My child, I fear you; you are a spirit, soul! How shall I walk before you? and keep my garments whole? O Lord, give strength, give wisdom for the task. To train this child for You."
If we receive them (children) as Christ's messengers, as sent to us in His name, and entertain them as we would entertain Him if He had come in place of them, we shall get from them deep and rich good and joy.
Love's first lesson is that of giving up one's own way, denying one's self, suffering in silence. Where this lesson has been learned, or is being learned, in a household of young people, each thinks of giving to the others, not of taking from them. Each cultivates gentleness and kindness. The speech of the home grows quiet and tender, is never loud nor angry.
It is possible to grow into all the beauty of peace wherever we may be placed. A lily finds its home in a black bog, but blooms into perfect loveliness
Criticism never fosters affection; you never loved any one better for criticizing you. Usually the best service we can do to a brother or sister is to live a sweet, patient, beautiful, Christly life ourselves, leaving to God the fashioning of their lives.
Suppose you went into an artist's studio and saw a picture at which he had been working for months, yet unfinished; would you, not being an artist, take up his brush and begin to put touches here and there on the canvas? Each life of husband or wife, child, brother or sister, in your home is a picture which God is painting, and which is yet unfinished. Beware that you mar not His work!
If only we can make Christ an abiding guest in our home, and if we can keep ourselves aware of His being with us, our household life cannot help but grow wondrously sweet!

2009-12-29T08:17:00.002-05:00

I know it's Tuesday but I just decided there will never be a better time to start counting, so here goes:

1. God's goodness to us this Christmas

2. His protection over people who are dear to us and struggling with addictions

3. The way snow lights up the night

4. The sound of sleep as my baby breathes

5. Her tiny hands and chubby rolls

6. That God enables me to feed her well

7. A new year almost here and the fresh start it represents

8. Faith to try new things and stretch beyond what I thought were my limits

9. www.aholyexperience.com

10. God awakening my heart, daily.

Our Scripture Memory Verse

2009-12-29T08:12:00.002-05:00

2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of peace Himself give me peace at all times and in every way."

This truly is the cry of my heart. I'm realizing how easily I become disturbed and perturbed and allow little things to steal my peace. I am purposing in this new year to be a more peacefilled person and to have a home of peace. I need much of God giving me peace because I am hard put to come up with it myself in my house full of little ones.

Gift Card Giveaway at Money Saving Mom

2009-12-14T18:22:00.002-05:00

Money saving mom is giving away 5 $100 giftcards to a store of each winner's choice! Go here to find out how to enter and hopefully win :) If you are doing last minute Christmas shopping, this website is a great place to find out about great deals.

Plans for Advent

2009-11-24T16:23:00.003-05:00

The first Sunday of Advent is this Sunday! We're planning on celebrating as a church and as a family this year. I love the Christ-centered focus that celebrating advent gives to the Christmas season. We're going to be using the readings and craft/cooking suggestions from this website for children. Looks the crafts will be simple enough even for a 3 year old and for a busy momma to put together.
http://www.homeschooled-kids.com/advent.html

A Life Update

2009-10-16T21:30:00.004-04:00

I think Audrey smiled at me today for the first intentional time :) 3 weeks, 3 days old - same day age as Alan when he smiled at me for the first time - I looked at the scrapbook page today.

I tried to capture it on film. Here is what I got:

We went to Brown County today for my mom's birthday, hoping the rain would disapate before we got there. It didn't so we enjoyed the children's section of the library in Nashville. Jeremiah and I peeked into a few stores and thought about doing an old-fashioned get dressed up western style photo shoot but decided to wait until the boys are little older. Fall leaves are almost perfect - next Saturday will be probably be their peek - hopefully we'll have some warmer weather so we can enjoy all the splendour without freezing. We dug out our winter coats for todays adventures.

A Valid Need to Rest

2009-08-13T09:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I woke up and immediately my mind was attacking me, "You've slept in too late." "There's so much to do." And then I felt the loving voice of my Father, comforting me and assuring, "Sleep is My gift and you need it to carry this baby." Then, today, I read this post by Ann Voscamp:

She opens one eye wide and peeks at me. “Did you know you close your eyes when you sleep, Mama? And you close your eyes when you pray. Sleep and prayer. They’re like the same…”Sleep… rest. And prayer. Like the same... Soul and body, they both need to close eyes, a body needing hard stops, a definitive time, to turn out the lights and sleep… like a soul needing hard stops, definitive times, to step back from the work and pray.I don’t raise my head from the bed. Why do I shun rest? For the same reasons I shun prayer?I don’t think I need it.Addicted to motion, this buzz of self-importance, I think I must keep going, keep producing, keep working, that I’m needed to make some indispensable product. But God made a body to require rest. We can toil till the joints pull apart and the smile cracks and flakes at the seams, but eventually we’ll drag into the quiet pastures, fall into pillow and sleep dead man’s slumber. He will bring us face to face with our own limitations, our own smallness. Do we too wait until the ledge of desperation before we pray, before we humbly embrace our need?A soul needs to rest and that is its real work.Prayer is the work. Prayer is the rest.Isn’t it sometimes the greatest work of all to still and rest, abandon self to the Arms that hold?I need it: rest, prayer… Him.

I need it. I need Him. Rest. " Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS." Matthew 11:28-29

Driving Advice, by Alan, age 3 1/2

2009-08-06T20:53:00.002-04:00

Alan - "Daddy, go faster"
Daddy - "I can't. All those cars are in the way."
Alan - "You should go over the cars"
Daddy - "How am I going to do that?"
Alan - "You should tell those cars to go faster. You do it like this - say, 'Go faster cars.'"
Daddy - "I don't think that would work."
Alan - "Mommy talks to cars but you're not good at that. Say, Go Faster!"

Waterplay

2009-06-25T21:28:00.000-04:00

This whole week has been extremely HOT! Our new house is large and old. It has central air and with it running constantly - the house has been about 80 degrees all week long. It's much hotter outside and humid. I've never been this pregnant in the summer before and I am feeling it! To cool off today we went outside and played with the hose for a little while. Here are some pics that I took:

Moving

2009-05-26T21:29:00.003-04:00

We're moving on Thursday.
I'm going to miss a few things about our apartment in Marcy Village. I never would have guessed that we would live here for four years. We moved here when I was at the beginning of my pregnancy with Alan. Then, we switched apartments and moved into our courtyard when Alan was 5 months old. Now, we're moving and I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant.
We're moving to a 3 bedroom duplex that our friends own. It will give us more space and feel more like a home. The best thing is we'll have our own washer and dryer in the basement and won't have to pay to do laundry anymore!
I'm going to miss our courtyard though - our neighbors - Libby and Rupert, who live downstairs from us, Catherine - the animal lover who feeds our squirrels corn and takes care of all the feral cats that live in the carports. We're going to miss Beth, the dog walker who always wears Pooh Bear clothes and gives us treasures from the dumpsters. We'll miss Ms. Lee, the little old lady who has lived here for at least half a century and gets her daily walk when she takes her trash out.
We're going to miss the big gnarly tree that grows in the courtyard - the one Alan first pulled himself up on when he was just learning to walk in October of 2006 and explored with such awe. We're going to miss setting out our blankets under the apple trees for an impromptu picnic. We'll miss cookouts on the front stoop and blowing bubbles here and painting with water and sidewalk chalk. I've spent a lot of time hanging out with my boys in this courtyard.
We'll miss the location we have here, so close to the church and Broad Ripple. Convenient to downtown, the zoo and the children's museum. We'll be farther away from my friend Sarah and her boys Zion and Simeon. I'll have to get used to shopping at different stores. Our Marsh and Aldi's, Target and the Glendale library will all be much farther away. Although we'll still be in this area a lot since our church is over here.

I am looking forward to so many things about our new house and our new neighborhood. I am excited about what God has in store for us but I wanted to take the moment to record the things I've loved about this home and thank God for the time and the memories that we have made here.

Spring Green

2009-03-30T14:32:00.000-04:00

Green is my favorite color of all and spring is my favorite season. Earthly life doesn't get better than spring green and I'm so happy we can look forward to it every year! Yesterday was soooo cold and it even snowed! But today is warm and sunny again. Praise Him!!

Bedtime Stories with Daddy

2009-03-28T21:13:00.000-04:00

I think it is one of our favorite times of the day.

After a month long break...

2009-03-06T14:27:00.003-05:00

I'm back and there really were 28 things to love about February, but I'll have to update you on those later.

We have been exploring our options in purchasing a home this spring and we think we have found one that we like.

We have actually made an offer on the home and may hear back from the seller today or tomorrow. I'm excited and scared at the same time. This is our first home purchase ever and all the forms and fees can be intimidating, plus all the unknowns. We are trying our best not to get in over our heads and yet, we really feel that it is time to move into our own home now that we are expecting our third child. A desire of my heart has always been to own my own home and to give my children and our family a secure place in which to thrive and grow. A home with room to homeschool and room for many children.

This home is located in the center of the city, right off of Meridian St. We love being close to everything and about 30 minutes away from any suburb around Indy. As our church grows, I'm confident this will be a great advantage to us and the people in our church. The home was built in 1916 and has a beautiful fireplace in the living room.

The dining room has tile floors:

The masterbedroom has hardwood floors and a small room attached to it that will be a perfect nursery for the baby.
Including the unfinished basement and the attic, this home has somewhere between 3,500 and 4,000sqft! There is a lot of potential for additional bedrooms/school rooms if we should need them. There are 3 bedrooms on the second floor and an office space on the first floor for Jeremiah. We're thinking of using the attic as a playroom/schoolroom.

The neighbor with whom we may share a backyard goes to Alan's preschool and has a little girl six months older than Alan. She told us the history of the house:

This house sold for $50,000 to a retired man several years ago. He refinished the floors and woodwork, rewired the electricity, restrung the windows and much more. He was fixing the house up, intending to convince his wife to retire there, but she insisted on moving to Florida. He was able to sell the home for $140,000 (before the economy went bad) and made a good profit! The couple that bought the home, unfortunately lost it to foreclosure through a series of terrible events. When we first looked at the house a week ago, the bank was asking 79,900. We offered $50,000 on Tuesday and they countered with $62,000 on Thursday - a great price, less then half of what it sold for just a few years ago! We countered with 57,000 and they rejected. Then we found out that closing costs were going to be much more than we expected so, we revised our offer and we are resubmitting it today, offering $64,000 but they are to pay $2,000 towards closing costs. If they accept, we'll be closing May 5th and moving out of our apartment May 31st. Meanwhile, they have lowered the price on the home in the listing to 69,900.

There are several projects that we will need to do. The kitchen needs a lot of work and there are no appliances included. The house needs a new roof. We need to add storm windows and there is no garage. On the plus side, we will be getting an extra $8,000 tax credit for buying a home next year when we file our taxes. That will definitely help pay for things!

Feb. 2

2009-02-03T17:45:00.001-05:00

Monday - I love my Bible, God's Word and I am so thankful that so much of it is memorized within my heart, a living force when days are tough. Monday we were challenged to live out the gratefulness message we had preached on Sunday. Our van broke down, the transmission is done and we had $18 in the bank. I took the bus home from work and Jeremiah spent two hours taking the bus to the bank and back to deposit a check. I was emotional, the kids were trying and crying. Yet, throughout it all, scriptures kept comforting my heart.

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" Matthew 6:26

"Though the fig tree should not blossom And there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold And there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. 19The Lord GOD is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' feet, And makes me walk on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19

28 Things I love for the Month of February

2009-02-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

This month I am going to focus my daily pictures/blogs on 28 things that I love. To begin with, I love Family Sunday at our church. It is always to first Sunday of the month. Jeremiah and I preach together and the kids stay in the service with us. Afterwards we eat together and have a great time of fellowship. Today we preached on thankfulness.

Jan. 31st

2009-02-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I went to Scrap Mania at Archivers and unexpectedly met up with some friends. It was a great night. I love it when I get to play instead of work.

Day 28 - Sledding!

2009-01-29T14:06:00.004-05:00

After naps, we joined our friends Chris and Zion for some sledding down the big hills behind Hinkley Fieldouse at Butler University. It was great fun!

Alan was so brave at first, even going down the hill all by himself. .

But then he got a little freaked out, refused to use the sleds anymore and insisted on simply sliding down on his bottom (which was well cushioned by thick snow pants) while holding onto someone's hand.

I think we will have even more fun next year when the boys are a little older :)

Day 28

2009-01-28T14:25:00.000-05:00

While Alan was away at Grandma's, Zachary and I had fun finger painting in the tathtub. It was Zach's first time fingerpainting and I think he loved it.

Day 27 and 28

2009-01-28T14:23:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, January 27th, was unremarkable as mentioned before. But we did get a lot of snow Tuesday night and consequently, everything was cancelled on Wednesday. We have over 12 inches of snow on the ground. We bundled up and enjoyed a tromp through the snow to Grandma's house this morning. Alan said, "Skis would help." He enjoyed making snow angels but his hands quickly froze. He walked the whole way, falling down about every five steps. I love his rosey cheeks in this picture.

Day 26 continued

2009-01-28T13:48:00.000-05:00

Monday evening my mom babysat the boys so I could go to prayer at the church with Jeremiah. We had a great time praying together with Ken and I think my mom had a great time with Alan. They really enjoy reading books together, singing and using their imaginations.

Day 25 and 26

2009-01-28T13:46:00.000-05:00

So far I have been taking pictures every other day this week, on Monday and on Wednesday. :) So, I'll just put two pictures up from each day to make up for not taking pictures on Sunday and Tuesday. (Sunday was busy with church and rather uneventful. Tuesday I worked, I had a migrane and it snowed a lot.)

On Monday morning I took Zachary to Target to return a Christmas present that was the duplicate of a toy we already had. We bought musical intruments instead. The boys love them. The drum on the top of the tamberine lasted all of two seconds but besides that, I think they're durable. Time will tell. We had a great time marching around the train table in the living room singing songs and making a joyful noise.

Day 24

2009-01-24T21:34:00.000-05:00

We have started a new tradition of morning prayer in mommy and daddies bed, 8am. This morning we snapped some pics of the boys laughing and singing "If you're happy and you know it, say 'Hurray' - Zachary was really getting into it. I love how expressive and enthusiastic these boys are. Zachary loves to tackle his brother and Alan doesn't seem to mind...boys. Good thing we bought this king sized bed of ours.

Day 22

2009-01-22T11:30:00.004-05:00

And for today,

Thursday.

I was going to post this picture

because today I am picking myself up out of the dust,

and setting about cleaning my house.

This handy dandy timer keeps me on track.

Cleaning the house is much more managable

in 15 minute intervals.

But

then

I

went

and

peed on a stick.

:) yippeeee!!!!!!!!

Day 21

2009-01-22T11:16:00.002-05:00

Wednesday. Yesterday. I continued in my lazy, ordinary, less than perfect sort of mood, but I did take a picture. :) I'm reading a book I found at the library. So far, I am really enjoying it. The author has a coffee shop in Holland, Michigan - maybe we'll have to visit when we go up there this summer for a swim in Lake Michigan.

Day 20

2009-01-22T11:15:00.001-05:00

It true, I didn't take a picture on Tuesday either. I've been in a bit of a funk these last few days and haven't felt like documenting it.

Day 19

2009-01-22T11:09:00.003-05:00

Monday was an extremely busy day and it's true, I didn't take a single picture. I worked all day and then I had parent training for Alan's Cooperative Preschool all evening. The training was good but rang empty in my ears. A school that excludes spirituality while trying to educate in every other way is still missing a very important and vital element, the center of who we are created to be. I am thankful that Alan's teacher is a pastor's wife and a strong believer. She is our saving grace and the reason Alan is still there. He will not be returning next year. I'm not sure what we will do instead, maybe we will join the YMCA.

Day 18 Sunday

2009-01-20T15:07:00.001-05:00

Late in the afternoon on Sunday we visited our friend Daniel in the hospital. God is doing such a miraculous work in this newly saved man's life and it is wonderful to be apart of it! Zachary and Alan were so well behaved - I was very proud of them.

Day 17 Saturday

2009-01-20T15:04:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist taking a picture of Jeremiah sitting on the arm of the chair in our living room with both boys balancing on his lap and the light pouring in through the window.

My Scripture for the Year, at least for January

2009-01-17T13:47:00.002-05:00

It's a scripture that I am already very familiar with and yet, it is speaking to me in new ways, every day. I feel that there is so much for me to learn in these words as I apply them daily to my life.
Matthew 11:28-29
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS."

The first lesson to learn is the coming - coming to Him, coming to Jesus, abiding in Him, dwelling with Him, living in His presence and learning from Him. To come away in my mind from all the tasks at hand and just to be with Him.

The second lesson is that of rest. To rest in Him, trusting in Him. The rest of a healthy relationship in which nothing has to be said or done to be accepted and loved. The rest of just being with Jesus. The Sabboth rest, of leaving work and choosing Him.
Unrest characterizes so much of my life and along with that comes a lack of peace and joy.
But Jesus would have me to rest.
Although work is very important in a life of mothering and ministry, God gives the gift of rest in coming to Him. In creating our world, God gave not just a tenth of His life to rest, like a tithe, but He gave a seventh - an even bigger portion! We tithe of our income - how much more should we surrender to the rest of relationship? To just stop the doing and simply come to Him.

The third lesson is that of humility and gentleness. Jesus is gentle and humble of heart. He never forces Himself upon us. He is gentleman and so worthy of our adoration. He is, in His character so lovely, so wonderful and He would have me to become more and more like Him. I desire very much to learn gentleness. It is a characteristic that has never come easy to me. As I am mothering, I see more and more how important it is that I grow in this area. As for humility, it seems that in my sinful nature I swing back and forth betwen insecurities and pride - to opposites of the same coin. Somewhere God has true humility for me - a security in Him that seeks not people's praise and is simply accepting of myself and others in the knowledge of His love for us.

C.S. Lewis said, "Christian humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less,"

Day 16 Friday

2009-01-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

I have used the free workout center at our apartments more in the last week and a half than I had used it in the last three and half years we have lived here. I'm finally motivated to get healthy and strong - I want an easy pregnancy the next time around. (I'm not pregnant, that I know of.)

DAy 15 Thursday

2009-01-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

Zachary looked so cute in his doggie bathtowel that I had to take some pics - he said "cheese" over and over - so this is his cheesy look.

Day 14

2009-01-14T22:14:00.005-05:00

We drove home today in the snow. Finally we're getting some snow! We took Alan with us to go pick up Zachary and he got to do some sledding in Sarah's front yard with Zion, his buddy. They really had fun - it was Alan's first time sledding.

Day 13

2009-01-14T22:09:00.002-05:00

Tuesday - Retreat at King's Ranch

We really enjoyed our retreat. The cabin was beautiful, the weather cold, and the coffee warm. It

was a great time of quiet, time to read and time to connect with my inlaws, renewing and refreshing our vision for the churches in Indy and Fort Wayne.

Day 12

2009-01-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

Monday - I didn't take any pictures. Jeremiah took this one just before we went to sleep. It was a full and busy day - in the morning I co-oped at Alan's preschool, than I packed, dropped Zachary off at the babysitters and Alan with my mom, than we drove out just as it was getting dark to the middle of no where Indiana - King's Ranch. We got lost twice on back roads and met two of Vern's (the owner's) distant neighbors, who surprising knew him and kindly gave us directions. We also managed to damage two cars in one day. Jeremiah was in a car wreck that may have completely totaled the Honda but didn't hurt him at all and then a deer ran into our van! It only took out the driver's side mirror and dented the door - I hope the deer was okey! Amazingly, I felt complete peace throughout the day - unshakable.

Day 11 - Sunday

2009-01-12T06:09:00.003-05:00

On Sunday morning we had the privilege of bapstising Jose, a man who began attending our church about a year ago as a Buddhist. It has been amazing to see him taking baby steps in the faith and learning to put his trust in Jesus. He shared his testimony before the baptism saying that he had always wanted to do things his way but now he choosing to do things God's way. It is so encouraging and motivating when we have a baptism - we really are doing the work of the ministry.
Later on we had the chance to go on a date while my mom watched the boys! :) We hung out at Borders. I worked on my Project 365, writing all this journaling on cards and Jeremiah read books about writing and layout design. I tried their new green tea latte - it was delicious!

Day 10

2009-01-10T14:31:00.000-05:00

My 365 Project kit arrived yesterday but we weren't home so they left it at the office. I picked it up this morning on our way out to the Children's Museum and just unpacked some of it now, while the boys are taking their afternoon nap. I LOVE IT! It is so perfect for my boy dominated world. love love love it. Can't wait to fill it up with all our pictures and memories from this year!

About resolutions...

2009-01-09T12:34:00.004-05:00

I've been slowly resolving, revolving around different ideas, desires, words and goals for this year. In all the doing and doing I get so easily caught up in, I am learning to slow down, to rest, to come to Him.
Matthew 11:28-29
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
(Be done with the striving in the flesh and the self doubt - simply come to Him and trust)
"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
(Could it be that a restful heart, a restful atmosphere, a quiet being is one of the greatest joys of loving, healthy relationships? When my relationship with God is healthy and loving, my heart is at rest. I am not beating myself up or being beat upon - I am trusting in love and resting in His arms. My heart is quiet, still before Him. He is gentle with us, especially with those who have young children. What a comfort!)

Some goals, in no particular order:
1. Consistent, daily mindfulness of God and communion with Him. Seeking daily clarity and vision in His presence.
2. Maintaining a hospitable home so that friends and strangers will always feel welcome and so that we as a family feel at rest in our home.
3. Improved nutrition and menus. Eating at home more, planning a weekly menu.
4. Workout on a consistent basis
5. 365 Scrapbook project - taking a picture a day, blogging about it and then putting it all together in an album.
6. Pay off all of our credit card debt this year.
7. Quarterly retreats with my husband to refocus and spend quality time in prayer and fellowship with each other.
8. Move to a new home in May/June

Day 9

2009-01-09T12:14:00.001-05:00

Alan picked these flowers out for me. He loves yellow. Good choice! They are from Jeremiah and I didn't even ask for them!
Picture: flowers basking in morning light while the Bible waits, open.

Day 8

2009-01-08T21:40:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take a picture today of the boys at the doctor's appointment, but alas, I forgot the camara. They both got lots of shots and poor little Zachary - he wiggled while he got his shots and I think that made it worse. All day long when we touch his legs accidently, he says "ouchie. ouchie. ouchie."
We picked up Max and brought him home to hang out with us, as we always do on Thursdays. It's our famiy day. Harley and Karen usually drive down from Fort Wayne as well. We went to the mall and let Zachary play in the play area while Alan slept in the van. Than we all went over to On the Border for dinner - I love chicken tortilla soup.

Day 7

2009-01-08T21:29:00.000-05:00

I put away the Christmas things on Wednesday. Jeremiah took the tree to the park today, where they will grind it up and make mulch for the play areas. In this picture, I'm holding one of my favorite Christmas ornaments - a hand painted ornament from Sweden.

Day 6

2009-01-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

Last night I pulled all of last years scrapbook pages out of disorganized albums and placed them all in a chronological order. Now to just get them back into albums... I discovered that I did more scrapbook pages than I remembered doing. I did a lot of pages about January of 2007 - must have had time on my hands with all of winter holding us indoors.

Day 4 - A Portrait of Mommy

2009-01-05T21:00:00.003-05:00

As composed by Alan on his new camera. Alan is having so much fun takinig pictures with his new FisherPrice camera. It's interesting to see the world from his vantage point - always looking up at us.

Day 5 - Jan 5th

2009-01-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

Zachary with his new haircut. I don't know what came over me, but I chopped it all off. I guess I'm accepting the fact that he is growing up.

3 - Jan 3rd - Alan's Birthday Party

2009-01-03T22:54:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Alan's birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheeses. It was a grand success! :)

2 - Jan 2nd - Studying at Starbucks

2009-01-03T22:53:00.000-05:00

On Friday Jeremiah and I had the opportunity to get away and work on our sermon that we're preaching together on Sunday.

Day 1 - Alan's Potty Chart

2009-01-01T08:43:00.002-05:00

It's January 1st - Happy New Year! I'm embarking upon a new photographic/journaling endeavor - to take one picture a day and scrapbook one layout each week with 7 photos and some journaling to go along with each. Hopefully this way I will be able to record more of the every day details of our lives.

Day 1 - Alan's Potty Chart

Yesterday was Alan's 3rd Birthday and he is officially wearing big-boy underwear and potty-training. It's something we've been building up to for a while. Every time he goes pee-pee on the potty he gets to put a sticker on his potty chart. We made the chart first thing in the morning and he helped me to add glue and glitter all along the edges. He's rather proud of his achievements.

A Fresh New Year is almost here...

2008-12-30T09:50:00.003-05:00

full of expectancy, possibility, hope, and a little fear too.

This blog is excellent - READ THIS POST - I believe you will really be inspired.
Here is a snippit:

"The New Year wears hope like a fragrance. I inhale.And watch for it to come, this new year breaking up over the horizon. Over white rim of farm fields, new time, fresh hope, will dawn. And I wonder: how to walk across a New Year?Tracks can only be made once.

Then a whiff on the wind: that stench.That decaying rank that I know too well: fear. Reeking fear. I am impotent of change. I am doomed to this death body. Can new ways ever be be my ways? What if I will always be… (fill in the blank with choice fear: self-centered, overweight, uneducated, unmotivated, debt-ridden, angry, anxious, apathetic, unfulfilled…) What if our family, this marriage, these children, fester permanently here? What if tomorrows are just more of our yesterdays?"

Some Christmas Photos

2008-12-27T13:21:00.001-05:00

The first time I wore my new pajamas Alan said to me, "I like your rainbows mommy!"

We opened gifts as a family on Christmas Eve and took a few photos just beforehand. The boys were really excited.

My Birthday

2008-12-27T12:24:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I was sick. It was terribly dissapointing but at least I am feeling much better now. Today is amazingly warm - it feels like spring and a wonderful gift from God. I have the windows open with a fresh breeze blowing through. We also discovered two very nice looking rugs in the dumpster. I think they will match my couch perfectly, another birthday gift from God.
Jeremiah made me this video for my birthday gift. I love it!

Long Love Lessons

2008-12-24T01:12:00.002-05:00

It's early early Christmas Eve morning and we're awake loving on our small son who is sick and puking, aching and hurting. Long, love lessons. Selfless being there, offering a snugling, rocking and singing, praying together, teaching about God's love, His presence, His healing power. In the light of the Christmas tree, half wrapped with ribbon, half tangled by children's hands, surrounded by half-dones and scattered toys. I await His coming and know His presence with me. I am blessed.

Preschool Christmas Performance

2008-12-17T13:51:00.003-05:00

We had a Christmas party at Alan's preschool today. It was their last day of school until the new year. We ate Italian food and sat with our friends Will and Mikki. It was just Alan and I because Pastor Dad had to go to a funeral today and Grandma stayed home with Zachary who is fighting a cold, again. I forgot my camera but Alan did a great job singing Jingle Bells and shaking some bells like bracelets on his arms. He definitely likes to be on stage and perform.
To make up for my lack of photos this time, here are some photos from a month ago when Alan performed for the Thanksgiving party and sang "Ten Little Indians":

Chocolate Lovers!

2008-12-17T13:43:00.003-05:00

I've been told that my boys love chocolate. In fact, I have found evidence. I don't know where they would get a love for chocolate from? It would appear that while I was out and about the other day doing errands and my husband was working on the computer (I mean watching the kids), the boys got into my stash of Christmas chocolate (for gifts, of course) and ate a whole bag of Lindor Chocolate Truffles before my husband realized what they were up too! He must have been enjoying the peace and quiet while they were snacking :) Upon questioning, Alan insists that "Zachary ate some too!" as if that makes him innocent. So, if you just get a card for Christmas, it's not my fault your chocolate disappeared.

Some Good Reads

2008-12-03T05:54:00.002-05:00

Well, one month later and you may be wondering, what has Rose been up to and why is she neglecting her blog? I've been busy preparing for Christmas, making cards, scrapbooking, shopping, traveling for the holidays to visit my dad in Michigan, cleaning house, and doing a little reading.
1. The Shack. I actually read this book back in September but it made such a profound impact on my life that I have postponed actually writing about it until I could digest it all for a little while. This book may be offensive to some (it presents God as a black woman) but if you can get over that and a few questionable points of doctrine, I'm convinced that you will be deeply blessed by reading this book. I personally felt God drawing me and calling me to Himself, reawakening my love for Him and lifting from my shoulders a burdon of gift from self-doubt and self-shaming.
2. www.aholyexperience.com This is a blog I just recently discovered and it has become a great source of daily inspiration. I just love the pictures and the way she writes.
3. The Way to Pentecost by Samuel Chadwick. I'm reading the online version and have only just begun. Samuel Chadwick was president of the school where Leanard Ravenhill studied in England and his book seems to ring with the same fire and tone.

Pretend Play and the Incredible Memory

2008-11-02T12:32:00.002-05:00

I'm just amazed every day lately by Alan's incredible ability to remember things we do and to reenact them in his pretend play. This morning Alan and Daddy were playing pretend on our king size bed (otherwise known as Alan's house when he piles the pillows up all around him to make walls). Today the blanket was used to create a "big tent" and Alan was pretending to be Daddy and Daddy was pretending to be Alan. The conversation went like this:
Alan: "We're going camping. Let's get in the car."
(pretend to drive - it takes less than 2 seconds)
Alan: "Daddy, come over here. This is our big tent."
(Daddy moves from one side of the bed to the other, grunting as he goes.)
Alan: "Okay Ayan, let's get sticks for the fire."
(Alan pretends to pick up sticks and throw them on the fire."
Alan: "Here's your hotdog." (Pretends to eat)
"Here's your marshmellow."
Alan: "Do you want another marshmellow?"
Daddy: "Yes daddy." (pretends to eat)
Alan: "Okey, lets drive to the store to get more wood." (Something we actually did when we went camping.)
Alan: "Okey, there's the fire."
Alan: "Let's jump now inside the big tent."
Daddy: "You can jump, I'm going to lie down in the tent."
(Alan jumps on the bed for a few seconds)
And then the conversation ends when the two year old spots mommy's half drunk cup of water and purposely dumps it on the bed. AAAAhhhh....what do you do with two year olds?

It's Wonderful to be Home Again

2008-10-13T21:05:00.002-04:00

We feel so refreshed from our time on vacation. God really blessed us so much at the Pastor's Conference, renewing vision in our hearts and filling us with such peace, joy and expectancy.
Now that we're home, we're adjusting to a new schedule and a new budget since Jeremiah is now a fulltime pastor and no longer works as a butcher for Moody Meats. We feel so much peace about it and excitement - we're looking forward to what God has instore. I think this was exactly what Jeremiah needed - freedom to focus his efforts and energy on pastoring.
Today we laid out our new budget and figured out exactly what amount of money we need to have faith for. It's amazing how God provides for us and I'm so confident that He will continue to. Once again, I am also thankful that we have not made any big purchases yet, like buying a house and we have the freedom to live minimally because we've chosen that route. God is faithful to lead and guide us and I am so thankful!

So much for good intentions...

2008-10-05T13:30:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I've disappeared from the blogging world for so long. It's been busy around here!
Last week my husband and I traveled to North Carolina to visit our friends and we left our kids with my in-laws. It was a much needed and refreshing breather! This week we are traveling with the kids down to Louisianna for a Pastor's Conference at Larry Stockstill's church. Dr. David Yongi Cho will be there and we are really looking forward to all that God has instore for us! Another plus, there will be childcare so I'll actually get to be a part of the services! Yippee for me!! This is really special considering that on most Sundays, I'm teaching the children or I'm preaching with my husband. Today was a "family Sunday" and we shared on Mary and Martha and the choice we face constantly all day long to be a Mary or a Martha - to be busy busy busy or to simply sit at Jesus feet and allow Him to be the center of all that we do and are. Ah...I'm learning. God has been working out so much in me over this last week. I have so much I could write and share but of course, I would rather just go out to coffee with you and really have a good talk :)

Tiggerific!!!

2008-09-16T10:10:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we purchased two tigger outfits at Once Upon A Child. One for Alan and one for Zachary and they look so cute! Alan was bouncing everywhere, shouting, "Look at me. I'm tigger. Watch me bounce!!!" He was absolutely thrilled and wore the fleece outfit for the rest of the day and slept in it last night.

He was so sweaty!

Morning Adventures of the Kolterman Kind

2008-09-14T13:28:00.002-04:00

So, today I spoke in church on the subject of peace and wouldn't it be fitting that as I am preparing to speak on such a calming subject, we would have some of our least calm mornings yet to be imagined. This weekend Jeremiah has been away on a Men's Encounter Retreat, so I'm home with the kids. I am so blessed to have my mom to help out these days and she was a real blessing this weekend. But on Saturday morning, she was no where around while I busily tried to get everything ready for a day at the Zoo with Sue and her kids. I had pretreated some stained up clothes with oxi-clean (which worked wonders) and I had to put them in the washer before we left for the day. I pushed the enormously heavy plastic container full of wet clothes down two sets of stairs to the basement - which was a feat in itself. My two totally terrific toddlers tried to help, but of course, "It too big mommy." Once in the basement, I set to loading the washers while my little ones got busy exploring. When I looked up from my tasks a few minutes later, they had dumped a big tub of lincoln logs all over the floor and then preceeded to examine a nearby bag of charcoal. Little black hands and little black faces looked very content. Of course, they would do this to me on a morning when we're trying to rush out the door. I wish I had taken a picture.

Zachary's Birth Story

2008-09-10T20:01:00.004-04:00

May 24, 2007 – Thursday – I was exactly 40 weeks – and the day started out completely normal. I called to reschedule my Friday appointment with my doctor for that afternoon because I had decided to wait to be induced until next Tuesday and I didn’t want to make my husband late to work on Friday. We went to the art museum around 1pm and out to a late (3:30pm) lunch at Ryan’s steakhouse. I was in the mood for lots of veggies and fruit. I ate a big salad and it tasted great! I spilled milk all over myself (it looked like my water had broken) and all over my cell phone – it no longer works! Perfect timing! I was about to cry over spilt milk. Then we headed over to the doctor’s for my 4:45pm appointment. I brought Jeremiah along to be my moral support and to help me convince my doctor to wait for the induction. Alan was tired in the car and screamed defiantly the entire 30 minute drive to the dr.’s office. At one point just before we arrived, I turned around and kind of yelled at him to stop it. Afterwards he started to cry and I started to cry because I felt like a bad mom and I was stressing out. Needless to say, when they took my blood pressure, it was high. They had me lay down on my left side for awhile and when they retook it, it had lowered back down. I had gained 4 pounds in 4 days since Monday and weighed in at 220, an all time high. I think that was simply water weight and the difference between a morning weight and an afternoon weight. I gained 50 pounds total this pregnancy. A little less than last time.
I was quite swollen and I still am. When my doctor checked my cervix I had dilated to a stretchy 6cm without even feeling any labor pain! My doctor was sure I was going to go into labor soon and if I wasn’t at the hospital already, she said we would probably end up having the baby at home or in the car if my water bag broke. She was very convincing and we decided to go ahead and induce labor by rupturing the membranes (braking the water bag) at the hospital that night. I felt a little uneasy about it but I also was ready to be done.
We had my friend Ramona along with us and Alan and my brother Max, so we headed over to the house where we have home group on Thursdays and dropped them all off with my in-laws, who are conveniently in town every Thursday. I gave Ramona the key to our house, so she could get in later on and we headed home to pick up our hospital bags. I called my doula to tell her to meet us at the hospital around 7pm. We called our families to let them know what was happening. When we arrived home, we realized we had made a stupid mistake – we were locked out!! We called the emergency lock out number and no one responded. Jeremiah tried to brake in while I sleuthed around to figure out where our apartment manager’s apartment was. I knocked on her door and luckily she was home and was able to get a key from the office for us. We gathered our stuff quickly and headed over to the hospital at about 7pm. I drove because I didn’t want to be stressed by anyone else’s driving and I felt jumpy. I was having some bloody show and I think I would have gone into labor naturally sometime late that night or Friday morning.
My doula arrived at the hospital at the same time as us. Here is a picture of us checking into the hospital.We did some paperwork and then they moved us right in to our room where we would be staying the entire time. It was very nice – like a little hotel suite. Brand new. Our nurse and doula were both named Amanda and both were Christians too. Our nurse actually used to be a doula and was extremely supportive of natural birth. They were both very encouraging and made me feel strong and in control. The nurse put me on the monitor with 2 belts around my belly. I answered tons of questions and we chatted for a while. My nurse attempted to put in the heplock and failed to get a vain – it was extremely painful. Another nurse came in and very confidently got it put in quickly and accurately. My doctor came in to rupture the membranes at 9:30pm. It felt very invasive and uncomfortable and I was just imagining that little hook hunting around in me to pop that bag. When the water broke it came gushing out and I felt sad as my son’s little water world became a lot more uncomfortable for him. Change was coming.
Jeremiah and I took a walk in the hallways for about 40 minutes. I had to be monitored for 20 minutes out of every hour. I sat on the birthing ball for the monitoring and had a few stronger contractions and several smaller ones. A pattern was just starting to develop and I was still feeling really good. I got in the shower next. I was by myself with the water and I could really relax into labor. I spent some time praying and worshipping God. My contractions became stronger and stronger. There was a bench in the shower and I could get down on my knees on top of some towels and lean into the bench with the water coming down on my back. I also just stood swaying under the water with it beating down on my belly. I thought about my baby coming soon and I could really tell that things were moving along. I began to feel lonely so I called Jeremiah to come in. He stood outside the shower and sang worship songs with me and to me through several contractions. I would have stayed in the shower longer, but I had to be monitored again, so I got out and dressed. Water is awesome in labor. I was careful not to get my hair too wet though, cause I didn’t want to be cold later on. The water in my hair on the fringes felt good later on and helped to keep me cool during the intense part. This time, I was monitored lying in the bed. I was 8cm when they checked me. It was about 11:30pm. I was disappointed. I was hoping to be complete. I felt like I was so close! Contractions started coming right on top of each other. Jeremiah was holding my hands and my doula was pressing into my lower back to give me some counter pressure.

I was focusing through contractions with my eyes shut. I was able to really listen to my body and keep relaxed in most of my muscles. I just breathed and moaned the way that came natural with each contraction – I didn’t even know what I was going to do until I was doing it. Everyone was very supportive and just told me to go for it – even being noisy. I sat up and they set up a squat bar for me on the end of the bed. It was nice to lean against but I never actually squatted with it. I said, “The baby is so close.” I leaned back and my nurse checked me again, 1 cm to go. I started to loose control with the last couple of contractions. I had to hold onto Jeremiah and just breathe with him. It helped. I said, “The baby is so close. I need my doctor. I can feel him on my tailbone.” My legs were closed together and I was lying on my side. The contractions sent pain all the way down to my knees. They called for my doctor to come right away. As soon as I opened my legs, I felt an incredible urge to push. It was nothing like with Alan. I said, “I have to push.” I felt scared and like it was very urgent. My nurse said, “No. Don’t push” and she put her hand out to keep the baby in while I tried not to push but was pushing anyway. My doctor arrived and as soon as she had her gloves on and the lights on, she said, “Okay. Push.” They didn’t even take the bed apart. I pushed and it really hurt. The head came out so fast I felt a lot more burning sensation as the skin stretched around it. I was lying in a kind of awkward side position but I couldn’t even think about moving. I just had to push. Once the head was out – everything became very intense because the cord was wrapped all around him and he was turning blue. They yelled at me to push with all my might. I pushed hard as I could and the rest of him came out. Then I opened my eyes as they laid him on my tummy. My baby was here!

He was all white with varnix and hairy. So cute and perfect. Relatively calm compared to Alan. Jeremiah cut his cord – it was already white and clear looking so all that good blood got into Zachary beforehand. He is doing great. My breastmilk is starting to come in and he’s sleeping like a pro. J (I wrote this a couple days after Zach’s birth)

Here I am standing up next to my baby just an hour or so after he was born. That is the reward of natural childbirth - quick recovery!

Alan's Birth Story

2008-09-10T19:52:00.004-04:00

On Friday, December 30, my due date, I went to work. Worked all day, didn't feel different at all, a little bored and more than a little concerned that my baby might never decide to come out. After I got out of work at 3:30pm, I went home and then went shopping with my mom. I had plenty of energy. We went to Trader Joe's for groceries, Target for some Christmas gifts for my cousin's son, Baby’s R Us for a mattress for the cradle and some sheets, and finally Barnes And Nobles for an address book for my cousin, another late Christmas gift. I felt strangely sad as we were driving home, so despondent. As we sat down for dinner, my husband noticed my mood and asked if I was okay. I just broke down in tears. I just wanted my baby sooo badly. "I just want to meet him. I want him to be born." I was sad like I've gotten sad for people when I really want them to be saved. I had no appetite for dinner and ended up just eating some toast with butter. Around 8:30pm, I sat down at the computer to learn how to scan my scrapbook pages into Adobe and prepare them for loading on to my web page. It was fun scanning some of my wedding scrapbook pages. Around 9:30pm I felt a small squirt of something but I thought it was just normal vaginal secretions - I had been having lots of runny, mucusy discharge for the last 24 hours, ever since I started taking my EPO pills and inserted one vaginally on Thursday night. Thursday morning we had "applied prostaglandin" to the cervix to help move things along :) We had been singing happy birthday to the baby every day for days. Anyways, so I felt a small squirt and didn't think anything of it. I got up to refill my water cup and in the kitchen I had my first real contraction but I didn't know that was what it was for sure. I thought it might be gas so I went to the bathroom and had a bowel movement - I had several of those throughout the course of the evening, all on the toilet though, thankfully. I saw a little bit of pinkish discharge on my panty liner and some in the toilet, so I put on a real pad and announced to my mom and hubby that something might be happening soon, but I wasn't sure. We called Carla, our midwife, and then decided to try and get some sleep. We lay down in bed around 10:30pm and I think I slept in between contractions, which were about 10 to 15 minutes apart and strong enough to wake me up but not terribly uncomfortable. It was exciting! Jeremiah and mom didn't sleep a wink. Their minds were racing. Eventually Jeremiah got out of bed and sat in the living room praying and reading his Bible for a while. Around 1:15am, contractions were getting worse and I decided to get up as well. As soon as I stood up, the contractions got much worse and came much faster. I took a long, hot shower for as long as the hot water lasted. The water felt great and really helped me work through the contractions - it was distracting and soothing. I decided that I really wanted to be at the hospital where there was an endless supply of hot water and where I could get in the birthing tub if I wanted to. I got dressed in comfy clothes and we started getting all our stuff together for the hospital. We timed contractions and they were consistently coming at 4 minute intervals. I called Carla again and updated her on our progress. She said that it didn't sound like a reliable pattern of labor for a first time mom and it might be false labor. We should stay at home for a little while longer and try to sleep and keep on doing what we were doing. I was very frustrated to hear this but I could still manage to talk through contractions and I thought she might be right so we agreed to stay home for a while longer.

(This is where I stopped writing the story originally with it all fresh in my mind. Now I’m going to try to recall the rest of it 2 ½ years later.)

My contractions continued to be strong and consistent. My mom began to freak that we needed to get to the hospital right away or we were going to have a baby at home. It was about 3am when we left for the hospital. We called Carla to tell her that we were on our way to the hospital. She then called the midwife in Muncie who would actually be delivering the baby.
When we arrived at the hospital, my contractions continued to be regular and strong although I could still walk with them and talk through them. We signed into triage and I was feeling an incredible urge to poop. I went into a little restroom to change into the hospital gowns and I sat on the toilet for quite a long time. When I came out, my mom had settled into a seat in triage and only Jeremiah came back with me to my little curtained of bed in triage. I laid down in the bed and my nurse arranged the little orange and blue belts around me to monitor contractions and the baby’s heart beat. Then she checked me and I was 4cm dilated. It was about 4am. Right from the start we had a hard time getting the baby’s heart beat to show up clearly on the monitor and my nurse was concerned because the baby seemed stressed. His heart rate was staying consistently in the 150s and not showing the good variability they like to see. Throughout my entire labor, Alan was facing the wrong direction and this is what made it hard to track his heart rate. This also caused me to have some intense back labor. It was very painful, especially since the nurse kept insisting that I lie flat on my back. All I could do was pray through each contraction. We didn’t use a single relaxation technique that we had prepared. Mostly because I felt uncomfortable in triage, unsettled, like I was just in a transitory place on my way to the real place where I was going to give birth. I desperately wanted to get back into the water. All our relaxation props were packed away in our suitcases and/or involved being able to get up and move around. Not long after arriving in triage I puked all over the floor the little bit of dinner I had been able to eat. This made me incredibly thirsty but I was only given ice and my nurse was not mindful to refill my cup often enough. I think my nurse was fairly new to her job and very uncomfortable with a woman experiencing a drug free natural birth. She did not offer soothing words of support and basically tried to disappear as often as she could. They were waiting for my midwife to arrive before they moved me to the natural birthing rooms. I’m not sure why I didn’t have a doula trained nurse as I had been promised. Maybe because it was during Christmas break.
I had no idea how far I was progressing or if this was just the beginning of labor. It was extremely intense and I felt like contractions were coming one on top of the other. I could hardly catch my breath in between them. They were 2 to 3 minutes apart.
I tried lying in different positions but whenever I moved, they lost the baby’s heartbeat. They could only get the heartbeat if I was flat on my back and he still wasn’t showing good variability. At 5:45ish, unbeknownst to me or my nurse, I reached transition. I refused to lie in bed any longer. I stood up and leaned against my husband through two very intense contractions. The nurse decided to move me to a regular birthing room. I walked down the hallway, stood up with Jeremiah through another strong contraction and then I said that I really really needed to poop again. The nurse insisted that I get in bed so she could just check me again before I went to the restroom. I got up into the bed and had the most severe contraction yet. I was gripping the side rails for dear life, contemplating the pain of labor and whether I would be able to stand several more hours of this or not. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it.
I rolled over onto my back and allowed the nurse to check me. The baby was crowning. Just then my midwife arrived with Starbucks in hand. It was 6am. She put on her gloves and told me to push. I felt no urge to push. Actually, everything had stopped. I didn’t even feel contractions coming and going anymore. It was a wonderful pause and I wish that my midwife would have let me enjoy it longer but she insisted that I push right away. They watched the monitor and when it appeared that I was having another contraction they told me to push. I couldn’t really feel the contractions anymore but it feel the intense pressure of the baby’s head crowning. They lifted the back of the bed up to more of a sitting position and I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled my legs up into my chest, pushing as hard as I could. I pushed for 15 minutes and out came baby Alan. My midwife lifted him up onto my chest immediately. It was amazing.
Alan very passionately protested being born. From the start, it was obvious that this little boy does not relish change.
He was also a binky baby right from the start. He did a great job nursing but he would have nursed all day or cried profusely without his binky.
I was in absolute awe and still am two and a half years later. Birth is amazing.

Self-Acceptance

2008-09-10T19:47:00.003-04:00

So, lately I'm realizing more and more who I am and who I am not, and learning to accept that. I am not the kind of mom who stays home all the time. I like to be out and about. It's good for my sanity and that is okey. But if I accept that about myself, I have to also accept the fact that since this is the case, my house will not always be perfectly clean and that is okey too.
There. I've said it.

First Day of Preschool and Other New Daily Rituals

2008-09-03T10:55:00.006-04:00

Today is Alan's first day of preschool at Parkview Cooperative.

He was sooo excited to see his "new friends" and his teacher Joy.

Joy came to visit us earlier last week and gave us a paper chain to count down the days until the first day of preschool.

Ever since then, every day when we ask Alan what he wants to do, the response is, "Go to preschool?" I'm sure this is only the beginning. It's too bad he only gets to do two days a week on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Alan is in the Froggies class with other 2s and 3s. He was exploring everything today and moving quicky from one toy to the next - a farm set, a sand table, playdough, legos, swimming turtles and his favorite - a painting eisle where he can freely paint whatever he wants too.
There are eight children in his class. I'm be volunteering one day a month and providing snacks on that day as well. I'm really looking forward to the social interaction for both Alan and myself.

In this pic Alan is saying "I take your picture too Mommy."
In an effort to keep the boys buys and entertained this morning while waiting for preschool to start, they hide in the kitchen cabinets:

And cleaned the walls:

They did a great job :)

A Contemplation on the Labor of Holidays

2008-09-01T21:52:00.002-04:00

Today, as I was laboring on Labor Day in the kitchen with my mother-in-law getting the food for our cookout prepared, I marveled at how much labor women really do put into the holidays. So much cooking and cleaning, organizing and preparing. It's a lot of work to make memorable experiences for all involved. At least the work is often done in the company of others. I love holidays, partially because my dad always made such a big deal out of them when we were growing up. I love spending quality time with my family and friends. I love special traditions and little surprises. I have always loved Christmas the best. For one reason, my birthday is on the 26th of December. This year as I gear up to prepare for Christmas, I'm going to follow the Houseworks Holiday Plan which starts this week. I just found it tonight and I'm feeling inspired. I believe that the plan will provide just the right amount of direction I need to keep on task, get to the clutter in my house and be prepared to make some amazing memories this year. Check out the plan for yourself here.
This week is Planning and Paperwork week. My assignment is to declutter our desks/paperwork spaces and really get my household organizer (a 3-ring binder that I papercrafted almost a year ago - it's just lovely externally but internally, it has some issues) in working order. This seems daunting to me right now as our desk is a complete mess, once again. sigh. aaaahhhh. Now, if only I can convince my husband that this is truly the week to declutter our desk.

Preparing for a Natural Childbirth, Part 2 - Books I Have Read

2008-08-27T21:41:00.006-04:00

In preparing for the best births possible I have read several books, most of them rented from the library.
Here's a list and a small review of what I found helpful from each book:

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer and Rhonda Wheeler
This is by far the best book I have read. A little clinical and boring at times but full of very helpful information. A must read and a real eye opener.

Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by CNM, MA, Pam England and PhD, Rob Horowitz
This book definitely has a very new agey slant to it but there are some very helpful thoughts to be gained from reading it. For me, I really enjoyed the chapters on birth art and working through your fears and negative experiences in giving birth.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way: Revised Edition by Susan McCutcheon-Rosegg, Erick Ingraham, and Robert A. Bradley
Jeremiah and I read this book together when we were preparing for our first child's birth. Practicing the relaxation techniques was enjoyable and I gained some helpful information. I suppose if you had a long and drawn out labor, the Bradley method could be invaluable. Because my labor was so short and quick, we didn't do a single thing we had practiced.

Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. This was a gift from my mom and I honestly only briefly read through it. I found the scriptures helpful to meditate on but the basic premise of the possibility of having a pain-free childbirth a little on the flaky side of spirituality. I believe birth is supernatural but I also believe that pain is a part of the process.

Good talks with old friends can be so therapeutic.

2008-08-27T15:08:00.002-04:00

I'm just so thankful to God for putting people into my life with whom I can be myself and express my craziest problems and feel like they really emphathize and understand. Now, if only I had a friend like that here in Indiana. Well, I do. My husband.

Gone Fishin'

2008-08-27T14:47:00.003-04:00

Here are some pictures of Alan fishing for the first time at the fair. He loved it!

We even got to touch the fish Alan caught before throwing it back into the water.

Time in the Presence of the Lord

2008-08-27T14:45:00.001-04:00

Truth is, I probably spend too much time on the computer. It's so hard to know how to find balance in your life as a young mom. I really really need to spend more time in the presence of the Lord. In Him is the only place that I find true peace in my mommy storm. Finding time with the Lord - I just have to put everything else aside when I have "me-time" otherwise known as "nap time" or "after the boys go to bed" and put Jesus first. He is so worthy of my heart and I realize more and more what a terrible mother I am apart from Him. I just don't know how to discipline my children correctly. I get so ruffled and things around the house just don't get done when my priorities are out of wack.

A Terrible Nights Sleep

2008-08-22T13:47:00.002-04:00

We had a terrible time sleeping last night. After DH and I finally got done talking at 11:30pm or so, Alan woke up with a scream (must have been a night terror but who knows where that came from!) around 1:00am, then he woke Zach up. Zach then proceeded to wake up again at 1:40 and did not go back to sleep until 2:40am or so. They were both wide awake and busy tailed at 6:45am. Mommy was not. All well.
So then, my mom surprised me by being home. She said she felt the Holy Spirit tell her that I needed help today so she skipped the Joyce Meyer conference just for me! She took the boys around 10am this morning and let me take a two hour nap. I've read my Bible, read some blogs and started blogging myself. It's almost 2pm now and still no boys in sight. I wish they would come home because they really need their naps!!

Frugal Friday: 50% off Coupon for Value World and Affordable Home Improvements

2008-08-22T13:25:00.003-04:00

This week I felt the urge to do some back to school shopping since everyone else is doing it :) and Alan will be attending a preschool coop starting the first week in September. Instead of wasting huge amounts of money, I gave myself twenty dollars. Armed with this fabulous coupon for 50% off my purchase of $25 or more (making my potential out of pocket as low as $12.50) and my mom to help me search through racks of clothing, we headed out to Value World (it used to be Value Village but for some reason they changed the name). We are blessed to have one of these thrift stores right around the corner from us and they always have great clothes. I came home with a new looking talking Barney doll, some Lincoln Logs, (I was thinking Christmas), 5 pairs of pants for Alan, 3 pairs of warm lined pants for Zach, 6 new looking shirts for the boys, one dress for me and a beautiful storage solution for the scrapbooking corner of my bedroom. Most of the clothes were nearly new looking Old Navy, Gap, Gymbaree, etc. What a steal of a deal!! You can print this coupon as often as you like and it seems they put up a new coupon whenever the old one expires so it's one constant deal for whenever the urge to shop may strike.

On to my second frugal point: Home Improvements
When we decided not to buy a house this year and stay yet one more year in our white walled two bedroom apartment, I demanded the right to splurge and paint the walls. I waited for a great sale at Shermin Williams and bought two gallons of paint, one for the living room and one for our bedroom. We painted the living room and it's amazing how much happier I feel about my space. I'm so happy I don't even feel the need to paint my bedroom anymore. So we're going to save the paint, since we will only be living here for a little over 9 more months anyway, and use it in our new home next year. :) Now if only we could get around to putting our pictures back up on the walls. My living room without a flash on a cloudy day:

With a flash: (Notice how I stratigically left out the major part of the room? I figure you weren't interested in seeing all the toys strewn about).
I love how this color brown turned out.

Seeking Balance, Order and Discipline

2008-08-20T22:57:00.003-04:00

I was so blessed to tonight when I read this blog entry written by another mom in the same stage of life as I am with two small little ones.
Tonight my mom was helping me fold the laundry as I quickly rushed around to pick up the house. She asked, "I'm confused. Which day do you do laundry again?" I answered briskly, "I'm not sure right now. I'm still trying to figure out." Her comment reminded me of the neatly made schedule I had created for my life that says laundry days are on Monday. (We use coin laundry machines down in the basement, so I usually do all my laundry on one day each week.) Today was Wednesday and I was just getting to it. Sigh. I'm supposed to clean the house on Mondays too. Quite honestly, I can't remember exactly what we did on Monday but I didn't get much cleaning done, that is for sure!
I used to consider myself organized and tidy. Now I'm not so sure. I guess I'm reprioritizing and learning to value the time I spend on relationships - with my children, husband and friends - even if it means I don't get all the things done that I would like to get done.

Preparing for a Natural Childbirth, Part 1

2008-08-20T14:22:00.002-04:00

I have two children and both of them were born naturally in a hospital setting. By naturally I mean vaginally and without the use of drugs. The experience of giving birth was amazing. It was intense, empowering and at the end triumphant. I enjoy giving birth more than I enjoy pregnancy. Call me weird, but I think I'm a birth junkie. I just love it. God created the woman's body with amazing inner strength. In birth, God is calling forth the strength of a mother, to persevere to the end, to sacrifice greatly and to lay down one's own life (not usually in death but in the sense of not owning your life anymore) for another - your precious child.
One of my core "mantras" (a phrase I say over and over to myself) when I'm preparing for birth is "God created my body to give birth to this child and I can do it."

I have so many thoughts on childbirth, I hardly know where to start. Forgive me if this seems disjointed and random. What you're reading is the rough draft of a future book, hopefully.

If I could summarize in a few sentences what I believe about birth this might be it:

1. God created the woman's body to give birth, equipping her with natural pain killers and inner strength to overcome the obstacles in the process in order to give birth to live and healthy babies. Most women have the potential within them to give birth naturally without the use of drugs or medical interventions.

2. Fear is the primary cause of pain and loss of contral within the process of preparing for and giving birth. Most women in America have a lack of confidance in themselves and their ability to give birth. They have many fears about birth and they do not properly process those fears beforehand.

3. If you work through your fears as you prepare for birth by facing those fears head on, spending time in prayer and research, seeking out the answers God has for you - you will find yourself gaining confidence and overcoming those fears. You will then be able to go into the labor experience confident and joyful.

4. This does not mean you will labor without pain, just that you will labor without fear or at least less fear :)
Your focus may be less on the pain and more on your baby. During my second labor experience, during intense contractions I found myself wanting to soothe my baby, holding my belly and whispering, "shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shh, It's okey, it will be over soon and you're going to come out and meet your mommy." Childbirth pain that isn't shrouded in fear is much more manageable. You feel like you can go through it - it's a joyful pain because the reward is great.

5. Fear greatly increases the pain of childbirth and retards the process. The just like you can't poop easily when you are all stressed out and in fear, you can't give birth easily when you're stressed out and in fear. The sphincter muscles that control your anus and your vagina work by the same principles.

6. You need to even overcome your fear of not being able to give birth naturally. Accept that God will be with you, leading you to make the right decisions as you prepare for giving birth and as you actually go through labor and delivery. It may be that having an epidural is the right decision or even a c-section. C-sections save lives sometimes. An epidural can give an exhausted laboring woman the chance to sleep and recover strength. But keep in mind, in most cases, neither is necessary and both are implemented for too often and encouraged by doctors and nurses for many faulty reasons.

7. Generally speaking, doctors are afraid of being sued. As a result, they push laboring women into unnecessary medical interventions in order to cover their own butts.

8. It is easier for doctors and nurses to maintain control of the labor process when women have surrendered their control of the process and accepted epidurals. An epidural paralizes you. You are no longer a mighty lioness giving birth, in the birthing zone. Women experiencing the natural process of birth, who have entered the "birthing zone" don't care much for external control or limits placed on them by people in authority. A birthing woman is a powerful woman.

9. It is tremendously important to have a doctor or midwife who truly does support your decision to have a natural birth (not just in words but in practice - she should have many patients who successfully give birth naturally). Your caregiver should be willing to take time with you to answer questions and listen to your requests. There are lots and lots of questions you should ask - these will be coming up in a future post. The more you understand what your doctor considers protocal, the more prepared you will be for your actual birth experience.

The Wonders of Photo Editing

2008-08-17T20:18:00.004-04:00

I just have to say that I love Adobe Photoshop! I'm in the process of scanning in some old photos of my mom in order to restore and preserve them. I'm planning on making an awesome mini book with them sometime this week - I'll have to post some pictures when it's done. It's amazing what you can do to old photos and how much better you can make them look with just the clone stamping tool and some adjustments to color, brightness and contrast. I have so few pictures of my mom when she was young. It feels great to know that they're digitally preserved now.

The Plight of a Pastor's Wife

2008-08-14T09:05:00.004-04:00

The other day I received an email from God TV that Todd Bentley and his wife were separating for a season. Todd Bentley will no longer be ministering at the Florida Outpouring and probably will be taking a sabbatical to work on his marriage. I'm sure there are many people out there villainizing Todd's wife right now, but I feel for her. Being the wife of a minister and a young mom are two very demanding jobs. Being in the midst of a revival in which your husband is gone every night and traveling often would make it ten times harder. I am sure they have been going through a lot of persecution and spiritual attacks.

As I imagine myself in the midst of such demanding times of ministry, I'm sure the only way that I could continue to be strong and supportive of my husband is if my personal relationship with the Lord were very strong. As a young mom myself, I know how difficult it is to find time to spend with the presence of the Lord. I think ministers wives often get so caught up in parenting their children, cleaning their houses (because we have a duty to have people over frequently and be a good example) and dealing with a myriad of ministry details - they loose sight of Jesus. Apart from Jesus we can do nothing well. Without intimacy with Jesus, we are definitely not capable of giving our husbands the support and grace they need.

Another contributing factor to troubles within the minister's wife is the lack of support system around her. She is often at the tip, the one others are looking to for support but the one who is not receiving support herself. Minister's wives have a desperate need for mentors. In my own life, I'm so busy teaching the nursery on Sundays, I never get to hear my husband's sermons unless I ask him to preach them to me the night before. I don't receive ministry from anyone unless I specifically pursue it and intentionally seek it out. I realize my need for God and I have to desperately seek Him.

Finally, I think another great fallacy within the minister's family is that the father often comes home exhausted and tired of ministry. The last thing he wants to do is minister to his family. In reality though, his family is his greatest calling and greatest opportunity to have a lasting impact. His family desperately needs ministering to. A pastor needs to minister to his wife, encouraging her in her walk with God, sharing with her from his heart the deep things of the spirit and be a leader spiritually for his family. Children need their fathers to minister to them. Pastors are always encouraging the men in their church to do this and they need to do this themselves.

I think the root problem here is that more often then not, ministry is a performance and when we come home, we don't want to perform any more. When ministry is the natural outflow of a life lived in love with Jesus, it flows naturally out of the man like a life giving river and blesses all those around him, including his family.

5 Changes We've Made to Save Money in the Last Year

2008-08-13T13:24:00.002-04:00

1. Envelope System: I've recently made the switch to an envelope system. I pull out cash from the bank every Friday and put the allotted amounts into each envelope for groceries ($50), diapers ($15), scrapbooking ($10), Starbucks ($5), eating out ($20), laundry ($15), misc. ($10), etc. So far it has been working great and it's so inspiring and freeing to know where my money is going without having to enter a bunch of receipts into Quicken.
2. Drinking less Starbucks. I get a Grande iced Americano with 2 pumps of vanilla syrup, cream and whip cream on top and it costs $2.50 including tax when I use my registered Starbucks card and get the syrup for free. I've cut back from 4 of these per week to only 2, which is a great improvement for me. I'm trying to mostly drink coffee at home and take it with me if I want to have some on the road.
3. Shopping CVS. This has saved me tons of money!! I started shopping CVS because I was inspired by my friend Catherine and the MoneySavingMom website (www.moneysavingmom.com). I have been able to get so many things for free or at extreme discounts - it is awesome! Especially the free diapers.
4. Couponing. I started couponing again back in February and being mindful of store sales. It's been a tremendous relief on our grocery bill and we've also purchased several fun food items we wouldn't have been able to otherwise.
5. Eating out less often. We're really trying to eat at home more often and bring picnics with us when we go out around lunch time. It is so much cheaper!

All Faired Out!

2008-08-11T21:11:00.002-04:00

We've been to the fair three times in the last week! In tomorrow's (Tuesday's) IndyStar newspaper you can get a free ticket for Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. We're planning on visiting our beloved fair (that is practically in our backyard) one last time on Thursday. It's not really because we want to see the fair again - although it will be fun - we're looking forward to visiting with our friends Catherine, Hannah and Jack.

My blog is getting cooler by the day :)

2008-08-11T21:10:00.002-04:00

Today I spent an absorbent amount of time (the boys entire 2 hour nap) on creating a new banner for my blog. Do you like it? I do.

A Day at the Fair

2008-08-08T12:58:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I spent the morning volunteering in the Lactation Station at the Indiana State Fair. This is my third year in a row volunteering. I love the opportunities that I have to speak with other breastfeeding moms. We have a little tent with rocking chairs, changing tables, fans, literature, stickers, helium balloons and ice cold waters.

After the boys nap, my mom, mother-in-law, sons and I all went back to explore about 1/5 of the fairgrounds (focusing especially on kid friendly activities). We're planning on going back tomorrow to see the rest of the fair, especially all the farm animals.

Fair tickets cost $8 and children ages 5 and under are free. It's totally worth it!

I love to sip on a frozen apple cider slushy while walking around. :) It is quite possibly my favorite fair "food".

We walked past all the old tractors, saw a live band playing lots of old instruments in the pioneer barn, saw old farm equipment in action sending bits of hay flying through the air. We played on the playground and took a slow and active walk through "Little Hands on the Farm" where I took lots of pictures.

Here we are filling up little baggies with corn. Zachary loved the corn and he kept stopping to collect it everywhere along the path. Alan ran right over to the sandbox "garden" and it took a little work to convince him to follow the path and stick to his farmer work :).

Zach just loves filling up containers these days so this was a perfect activity for him. The boys loved their free hats. They know how to wear hats the cool way.Look at how serious they were about riding the tractors.

And Alan did a great job milking the cow. Are those apples floating in the air??? I caught Zach in the act of dumping his basket, on purpose. Alan courageously went on his first pony ride after three failed attempts while he worked up his courage.

Mostly we walked around and simply enjoyed the atmosphere and excitement of being at the fair. We're so blessed to live within walking distance of the fairgrounds. I've thoroughly enjoyed it every year. I love how things stay pretty much the same year after year. It helps us to develop memorable rituals.

Generalities

2008-08-08T12:37:00.002-04:00

This blog was designed spur of the moment as a way to chronicle my life in pictures and easily share stories with friends and family. Mostly I was inspired to blog because I'm a scrapbooker. I wanted a quick way to put some journaling with my photos before scrapbooking them. Now I'm learning a lot more about blogging. Since I love to write and have not actively been exercising this gift for years, I'm thinking about starting some or maybe just one new blog that is more specific and intentional. A blog that I write in more consistantly. Of course, I want to write in this blog more consistantly as well. It's kind of like a journal for me even if no one else ever reads it.
So, some areas of blogging interest to me are:
1. Scrapbooking - but this may require to much work and creativity. It's time consuming to photograph and publish online my scrapbook pages and ideas. Plus, I'm not to careful to keep track of what products I'm using and where I get my ideas from.
I guess I'll just continue to read scrapbooking blogs and not have one of my own.
2. Natural Childbirth and Natural Parenting from a distinctly Christian perspective. I'm passionate about childbirth and I think it would be easy for me to write about this subject on a consistent basis. I would actually like to publish a book and writing a blog may be a good first step in that direction. Natural parenting could include a broad variety of topics such as breastfeeding, staying at home with your children, parenting challenges, homeschooling, eating healthy, and living frugally.
3. Rose's Rhema - this is a blog I've already started but have not actively kept up on. My desire with this blog is to encourage other women in our church and in my life by simply publishing the revelations that God is giving to me in my quiet time. I'm already writing these things down in my journals so, I just need to take the time to type them up as well.
4. A blog for Pastor's Wives. I'm not sure what I would do with this.

Water Play

2008-07-30T21:24:00.004-04:00

We've recently discovered a little park new Broad Ripple that has water sprinklers! Alan just loves it! I think Zachary may still be a little young for it - the sprinklers surprise him when they suddenly turn on. Here are some recent pictures of them playing at the park.

A Day Well Spent

2008-07-30T21:13:00.002-04:00

Ah, it's so refreshing to look back over a day and feel good about it. :) The day started with a trip to the Family Bookstore where my mom purchased several new Boz dvds and the new Veggie Tale dvd - "Big River Rescue". Alan was so excited and we got some great deals by combining sales with a 25% off coupon that I had earned! I bought a book for myself, "A Mom After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George. Has anyone ever read her books before? I haven't. I actually don't find much time to read these days but I'm working on finding more.
We played briefly at Broad Ripple park before heading home for lunch and naps. After Jeremiah came home from work we made our way up to the Fashion Mall to visit the Cheesecake Factory and enjoy cheesecake for $1.50 a slice. Much to our disappointed, the deal was for dine-in only and only one per party. So, we left and bought some cheesecake from Walmart and ate it at the park later on. We decided to eat an early dinner at our favorite chinese buffet (we all 4 eat for $11.25 including tax) and "just happened" to run into our friend from Burma who was just sitting down to eat with several of his friends, including a couple guys who had just come over from Thialand a week ago. We ate with them and planned ways to share the gospel with these Buddhists. We're looking forward to what God has instore! Suri, our friend, actually attends our church and is a strong Christian. He deeply desires to share his faith with the other refugees that live with and around him. It's so exciting to see how God took our disappointment about the cheesecake deal and redirected us into a divine appointment with these guys. All our steps are truly led by the Lord!

Ordinary Things

2008-07-28T14:17:00.002-04:00

Mondays for us are always refreshing - a day to clean and get back into the stride of our weekly routines. It's the start of a fresh week and feels so hopeful in so many ways. This week promises to be yet another busy one.
We're looking forward to Wednesday evening when we're going as a family to eat cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory for only $1.50 a slice!!! A fantastic price for a date, even if it will be with kids.
This Sunday coming up is Family Sunday at church. Jeremiah and I will be preaching together on JOY! It's going to be a great sermon - we're making a JOY box - Jesus, Other and You - what a wonderful way to spell joy. It's something that my children's pastors John and Shirley Tash used to do all the time. We always try to have a short, fun and interactive sermon on Family Sundays since the children are in the service with us. Afterward we'll be sharing a fiesta of Mexican food. Next month we're thinking of renting a pavilion at Broad Ripple Park and having the service and potluck there.
Today so far, I have spent some time with God (Yippee - I'm really growing in this area lately - finding more consistancy and more meaning in it - I'm just longing more and more for the presence of God in the midst of all the mundane details and jobs of my mothering life). I've cleaned up the kitchen and reminded myself that I really want to start getting the kitchen all cleaned up at night before I go to bed instead of in the morning. I think it would get my day off to a better start :) I was thinking about how far I've flown from FlyLady principles, following morning and evening routines and all. (If you want to know more about FlyLady check out the website - www.flylady.com ) Anyway, my main goal this week is to declutter -especially the toys!! And when Jeremiah gets home, he's taking to the boys out so I can get to it in a focused way. Organizing toys is a hopeless endeaver if the boys are trying to help :)
Alan watched Peep, a video we rented from the library about science at a preschool level - he really enjoys the shows. We ate lunch and then we went outside to blow bubbles and walk. It's not too hot today but it's humid.
What are you doing today?

Mid-Year Resolutions

2008-07-27T22:21:00.002-04:00

Although I can hardly believe that the year is a month more than halfway over already- flying by as I desperately scramble each month to find balance and order - I find myself in the midst of renewed determination and get-to-itiveness. It's actually refreshing and kind-of hopeful feeling.
Sometimes I doubt myself and my ability in each of my roles as wife, mother, pastor, daughter, etc... I'm sure that is completely normal but even normal doubt isn't easy, especially when you have such high ideals and dreams for what you expect life to be like as an adult. I really really want balance in my life. BALANCE is probably the key word of my life right now, although I feel like I'm transitioning on to other words like PEACEFUL and JOYFUL. They all go together really.
I've been thinking this week about the appearance of my home and what that says about me, about my life and witness for Christ. What words would people use to characterize my life? Quite honestly, words like chaotic, disorderly, overwhelmed, and stressed come to my mind. I don't want my life to be that way and I'm soul searching and seeking to find a way to change it. I want my home to be a refuge from the storm. A place of safety and security. A godly place of instruction and good Christian witness - overflowing in love, kind words, peaceful, loving actions. Discipline, order, simplicity. Free of clutter and excess stuff. I want my love for God to be evident to all and I want my children to be shining lights in their generation.
So, practically, I'm working on 1. Going through the boys toys to get rid of stuff they don't need, like or use. I'm going to leave certain special toys out and then hide the rest so I can start rotating them out, wkly. Hopefully this will help the boys actually play with their toys more and make less mess with them at the same time. 2. I'm going to start cleaning up the house each night before bed. 3. Sticking to a schedule - Staying home more and being more intentional in how I spend each day - doing more educational activities with Alan and making more playdates with friends (not just going out randomly). I'm sure there is much much more on my list but those are the big three that I can think of right now. What do you do to keep life balanced, peaceful and joyful? I would love to hear your thought and ideas on this. :)

Cow Appreciation Day

2008-07-11T13:46:00.003-04:00

MOO! We had fun today dressing up likes cows and eating free at Chickfillay (I'm not sure how to spell that). I dressed the boys and myself in white and beige and cut out black circles from construction paper. Then we drove with my mom to a free standing Chickfillay with a play area. At the last second, I taped on the cow spots and retaped the cow spots and demanded that if Alan wanted to eat chicken nuggets and fries, he must not take off his spots! I retaped the cow spots again, uncrumpled cow spots, reminded myself that we were supposed to be having fun, grabbed a quick picture and then went parading inside with my little calves to claim our free meals. I was surprised that we were one of only a few cows in the vicinity. I love their lemonade and definitely think that we all enjoyed this outing :)

Zach's 1yr old Milestones

2008-06-16T13:12:00.002-04:00

And pictures to follow soon. Zach has just started taking several steps all by himself, all on his own. He's very cautious about it all and very careful to catch himself when he falls. He's learning to walk in a totally different style that Alan ever did. It's amazing how children can be so different even in things like learning to walk and how all their innate differences reflect their inborn personalities. Alan decided to walk at about 11months old (the beginning of December). He would pull himself up on something and then take off at a run for about 10 steps and then fall forward, often hurting himself. Then he would crawl over to something he could pull himself up on and do it again. It took him about a month to get good at walking and to learn to stand up all on his own. Zachary has been walking while holding on to one of our hands for about 2 months now. He also loves to walk while pushing something infront of him. I think he likes the security of having something in his hands. He can stand up all by himself, without pulling up on anything and he loves to climb - he's an excellent climber - better than Alan was at this age. We have to keep a close eye on him. It was just in this last week that he started to cautiously take his first steps, slowly and wobely with legs spread wide apart like a duck. It's so cute to watch and we're so proud of him. I'm sure he'll be running before long and I'll be running right along with him and Alan. With 2 running boys, I'm bound to loose weight this summer!

Alanisms

2008-05-13T14:34:00.002-04:00

Alan is constantly amazing us with his growing use of words and creative structuring of sentences. It's so much fun listening to him express his thoughts.
Some things he says -
"I want it," while pointing to something and if that doesn't get it for him, he adds emphatically, "I need it, I need it."
Whenever he wakes up in the morning or from his nap, he anounces joyously, "Ayan awake. Ayan awakey." If anyone mentions bedtime too soon, he also makes sure to inform them of this very definite fact, "Ayan awake."
Lately, when he suggests that someone do something, he adds "okey?" to the end of his sentance. "Ayan watch Monkey George. Okey?" "Ayan paint. Okey?" "Ayan go sopping (shopping). Okey?" He loves shopping and always wants to accompany me.
His affirmitives are very affirmitive, "Yes!!! Yes I do!!" and his negatives are very negative, "No. No way!!!"
He has started stringing together longer and longer sentences, using pronouns and using verbs in their verious tenses. He often says things like, "I did it!" or "I do it." "Help you! Help you!" (he really means help me).

A slight sunburn

2008-04-21T21:35:00.002-04:00

Today, when we were doing "circle time" at 8am this morning, I asked Alan to look out the window and tell me, "What color is the sky?" "Bue," he promptly answered without so much as a glance. "No, it's gray and cloudy again." "Sunny outside. Bue sky," he insisted. "Park?" he then asked. "We'll see," I answered and laughed. Well, he must have been speaking by faith and it worked because just a few hours later, the sun was shining - so much so I got a slight sunburn. We had a picnic lunch in the courtyard (because Jeremiah had taken the carseats with him in the car) and then we walked to the little park across the street from us. Tonight, we grilled from fresh hamburgers on the grill for dinner. yum yum. Oh, how I love Spring!! Have I mentioned that before?

Pooh, Mickey, Hard Mickey, and Doll

2008-04-21T21:19:00.002-04:00

These are Alan's new friends and they go with him everywhere. "Pooh seepy too", when it's time for Alan's nap. They all sleep with him along with his trains, books and whatever else he's randomly chosen to put in his bed. He reads to them and shows them interesting things. He talks to them a lot. The other day I caught Alan and Daddy having a regular conversation with all his little pals and I couldn't resist taking some pictures. Alan's imagination is just blossoming and it's so much fun to see.
The little red-headed cabbage patch boy doll was an especially requested Christmas present from my dad in 1988 (I turned eight the day after Christmas). I named him Robby because I thought he looked like my friend Robby that I had a "crush" on in first grade.
Of course, all this picture taking led to some self-portraits and some very wet kisses.

You can almost see the grass growing...

2008-04-16T21:27:00.000-04:00

Today was another absolutely beautiful Spring day. Walking outside, the smell of the grass and the COLOR GREEN is so inspiring. It makes me want to wax poetic and write some great oracle to Spring. But alas, mommy brain has got the best of me so we'll have to suffice with some pictures that were taken a few days ago in honor of Spring...

This lovely little flowering tree is in the courtyard across from us. Our courtyard has a large apple tree that hasn't quite blossomed yet.

Dandelions and daffodils. These flowers are growing right outside our door. The first crop of daffodils GOT PICKED the day after they bloomed! That was truly disappointing and I've been searching for a sign that says, "don't pick the flowers" ever since. Does anyone know where I can find one? Luckily we have some more flowers now and the tulips are almost out. I love love love Spring because I love love love green and I love love love flowers - it is absolutely my most favorite season of the year!!

Holiday Park

2008-04-07T14:58:00.000-04:00

I am so in love with Spring!!! The weather today was just beautiful so we headed outside to visit Holiday Park. It's been completely redone since the last time we were there and they have a special section with a fence around it just for kids 3 and under. I have a feeling we'll be visiting this park a lot once Zachary is walking and I have to try to keep track of both of them running in different directions.

We had a lot of fun and a couple of hours flew by quickly. The only downfall - there are only 2 baby swings! For a park this big, there should be 8! We had to wait awhile for our turn and then I felt rushed to give other kids a chance to swing.

Zachary doesn't like eating mulch, but he likes the reaction he gets out of mommy when he tries too.

Makes me want to BBQ!

2008-04-05T13:49:00.002-04:00

The sun is shining - the grass is finally green!! We're having friends over tonight for dinner and we had wanted to BBQ but I nixed that idea because we're out of grocery money for the week and we have lots of other food in the house. Now I'm wishing that I had just spent the money anyway :) Grilled hamburger fresh from Moody Meats (where Jeremiah is a butcher).
I'm definitely taking the boys to the park after they wake up from their naps and we'll take some pictures. Poor Zach has so many bruises all over his face from recent falls, they may not be the most flattering pictures but I guess that's what you get with an active 10 month old.